New Year's Resolutions

The few days that sit between Christmas and New Year’s Eve usually make up the season for deciding what your New Year’s resolutions will be. As the years have gone by, when people have asked me if I've made any, the answer to that question has been yes. New Year’s Eve comes, the ball drops, and I usually have several goals for myself that I bring into the new year with the hope that I will be able to accomplish them before Auld Lang Syne is sung again. Some years I made an actual list. Other years they ended up being written out in a journal. But over time, my organized method deteriorated. In fact I’m pretty sure last year I typed out a quick list on my phone on New Year’s Eve. And this year, I didn’t even go that far. If anything, around midnight I made a mental note of a few things that I know deep down I need to work on.

At the time, my own lack of motivation surprised me. Was my lack of a list due to the fact that I am less idealistic now than when I was younger? Maybe. Was I hesitant because my track record with these goals isn’t all that stellar? Perhaps. List or no list, one of my problems with New Year’s resolutions is the pattern that I tend to fall into when it comes to keeping them. More than once it has played out that the goals I am excited to work on in January I get stressed out about by February and bored with in March. Some resolutions have lived to see April and beyond. However, more than I would like to admit don’t even get to see the early signs of spring.

But disregarding the untimely death of multiple resolutions, I think the main point of weakness that I struggle with in terms of making my list comes from the realization that most of the goals that I have for myself aren’t quantifiable.

I mean sure, many of my goals can be measured: I want to read the entire Bible this year. I want to really be consistent in my devotions. I want to be more organized. I want to eat healthier and walk through the doorway of the GCC gym more (…and then actually work out of course). I want to improve myself as a writer, a reader, and as a musician. And those things are possible to keep track of. I have a schedule for reading the Bible and a set devotional time. I can check and see if my notebooks and binders and drawers are in order. I can figure out if the number of times I went to the gym during the week surpasses the number of cookies I ate during the week. I can write poetry that I feel proud of, finally finish Mere Christianity, and learn new songs on the piano. 

But what about the other goals? What about improving my prayer life, trusting God in His timing and sovereignty, cultivating a spirit of joy that isn’t dependent on circumstances, being a better friend, daughter, and sister?

I can’t look back on the month and say that I’ve lost 5 pounds of selfishness. I can’t schedule “learning how to trust God” from 10-11pm on Tuesday night. I can’t say that I’m halfway through becoming a more joyful person. I can’t cross being a better friend off of my list.

If you know me, you know I like lists. And you know that I have multiple lists. There’s the word document that organizes the little things, the color coded outlook calendar that keeps my schedule, and the wall calendar that reminds me of big assignments and tests. And don’t even get me started on the syllabi. This may make me sound completely Type-A and uptight and slightly insane. But it’s just how I operate. Plus, there are few feelings better than going through your day and being able to cross everything off of your to-do list. If you strongly disagree with me, that’s ok, because I’m pretty sure it’s a genetic thing. My mom feels the same way I do.

Anyway, the real problem comes when I combine my love of lists and schedules with my unquantifiable goals. And I think that’s why in the past I have given up on many of them. Because I can’t cross them off when I’m done like I want to. Because there is no being “done.” Because I will have to work on these goals – actively – for the rest of my life. Being a faithful Christian doesn’t end once you hit a certain level. Sanctification isn’t completed in this lifetime. We are all - from the day we are born, to the day we come to Christ, to the day that we die - works in progress.

I chose the title “A Work in Progress” for this blog because this past semester in particular I have been amazed over and over again by God’s patience with me. He gives me countless opportunities to grow, and when I refuse them, turn away, and end up on the ground, He never gives up on me like I give up on myself. Because, as Philippians 1:6 (one of my favorite Bible verses) says …”I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Remembering that that verse applies to me is both exhilarating and humbling. He knows I am a work in progress. And He knows that I can only progress through His strength. If I can stop looking at spiritual growth like I look at homework assignments, I believe that many more of my resolutions will live to see this spring. And next spring. And every spring that follows.

With all that being said in this first blog post, I wish you a very happy start of this new year. I hope you live in the knowledge that strength for today and hope for tomorrow is always available to you. And I hope that you realize that even though there are some New Year’s resolutions that you will never be able to definitively cross off of your list – that those resolutions are the ones that are worthy of staying on your list for the rest of your life.